Discourse on the standard of English in SG

I can still vividly recall an incident from transition camp in secondary school...

Come evening time, we lined up outside the toilet for our baths. Being the spoilt brat that I was, I refused to bathe in the cubicles they had cordoned off for us, preferring instead to wait for the handicapped toilet to be vacant. My classmates were less fussy, and as they streamed out of the cubicles, one of them passed me and asked:

Ha? Becca? U haven bath yet ah?
Classmate

This memory clings like fur to fabric because until then, I had not come across such atrocious grammer. Reacting without thinking, I replied:

It's 'bathe', not 'bath'.

She was affronted and ignored me for the rest of our stay in camp.

As if to top this experience, our principal addressed the school shortly after, saying something along the lines of:

I'm very happree today...because later got assembree.

Sadly, this is how the average Singaporean speaks. Comprehensible? Barely. Hilarious? Very.

Today, at a food court, I discovered a new type of meat.

Excuse me, what sort of meat is that?
*Caucasian tourist asks, pointing to a dish.*

Pok.
Hawker Lady

Pardon me?
*Caucasian tourist*

Pok! Pok! Pok! Pok!
*Hawker lady, very impatiently*

Mr. Caucasian appeared deep in thought for a while, before exclaiming:
Oh! You mean pork!?

Ya. Pok la!
*Hawker lady*

Thanks for tuning in to Comedy Central.

I recently chatted with Joshua after we returned from KL.

I is very happy wif my grades...u leh becky?
Josh

Ok lor.
Me

I really is very happy la...
Josh

Huh? You've spent a grand total of 3 days in KL and u come back speaking like that?
Me

Ya la. KL is a very retarding place.
Josh