What is wrong with you?

"WHAT is wrong with you?"

"What is WRONG with you?"

"What is wrong with YOU?"

"WHAT is WRONG with YOU?"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Ok, so here's the phrase said in 5 different ways. The difference is the word that is emphasized, the similarity is that it often crops up when couples fight (SATC et al., 2004).

Despite having only 5 words, this phrase says a lot:

1. "The problem is not with me, it's with YOU"
2. "Why are you acting like such a jerk/bitch?"
3. "I can't understand what's going on in that head of yours!?"
4. "Why can't you be more normal? Like me..."
5. "I blame you for all of this shit."

In all of the above, the assumption is that you are right. But what if you assume that you are wrong instead?

Watching couples quarrel on tv, I came to the sudden realization that the bf has never said that to me. Because he assumes that when I'm unhappy, it's his fault. When I'm throwing a tantrum, it's because he deserves it. Don't tell him this, but sometimes it really isn't his fault. It's the hormones (again, not my fault).

I admit that I assume that I'm right more often than I should. But shouldn't we? Isn't that what confidence is about? Can one be truly confident and yet assume he or she is always at fault? But if all of us assume that we're right, how are relationships supposed to work?

Maybe that's why they don't nowadays...


(SATC = Sex & The City)